The One Where Dory Isn't The Pregnant One
by SparklesJamesLilyHSM13
Summary: Lily and James have been married for about a month. But when James and Marlene come across a pregnancy test, they assume Dorcas is pregnant with Sirius' baby. They soon come to realize that it's not Dory that's pregnant. (Slightly based off the FRIENDS episode The One With Monica and Chandler's Wedding Part 1 and 2) ONESHOT


_Hellllllllllllooo earthlingsssssss. So I started writhing this fanfiction with a really good strong idea, but then it just didn't turn out how I wanted it to. So basically, I kind of wanted to base it off the FRIENDS episode where Phoebe and Rachel find a pregnancy test in Monica's bathroom when she's getting married to Chandler. But then it turns out Rachel is the pregnant one. You know what I'm talking about? No? Okay. It's not my best work, but I think it's okay. I hope y'all like this one-shot. Love youuuuu. Read on!_

* * *

"Okay, James. I'm leaving for Dorcas'. Are you sure you're going to be alright?" Lily Evans- wait, _Potter _called, as she walked down the stairs carrying her bags.

"Lily, you're only going for two nights. I can take care of myself. I managed all those years before I had you." James Potter smiled at his wife of nearly a month.

"I don't how you did it. Remus must have helped you." She teased, dropping her bags and pushing her dark red hair out of the way. He put his hand up to his heart with a pained look on his face.

"It pains me that you have so little faith in me, Lilypad."

"Oh, knock it off. You know I love you."

"That I do, love." James smirked as his pulled Lily in for a hug. She leaned back a bit before kissing him on the cheek.

"I'll see you on Friday, yeah?"

"See you Friday." He said, kissing her again before she grabbed her bags and disappeared with a small pop.

He smiled sadly as he stared at the spot where she had just stood. Being married to Lily was even better than he imagined. The way her vanilla scented shampoo filled the room, the way she would stumble on the last step or two when she wore stilettos, the way she could outsmart you in nearly everything, the way she twisted her hair around her finger or pulled at her clothes when she was nervous or anxious, the way she could look incredible in _everything_ without even trying at all. Lily was still small and bookish… but she had this fiery and feisty side that very few, yet very lucky, people got to see. But the best thing about Lily was that, although she could be stubborn as hell and push your buttons and be completely infuriating; Lily was the kindest person in the entire world. If there was a kinder, more generous person in the world than Lily, he had yet to meet them.

Lily Evans was the perfect girl for him and though it may have taken him six years to get her to realize that, it was completely and utterly worth it.

XoXoXoXoXoX

"Lily! Get out of the loo! The boys have arrived!" Mary shouted from downstairs. Before you could say "marauder", Lily was downstairs leaping into James' arms and kissing him somewhat violently.

"Merlin, Evans, wait til you get him home." Sirius gagged before giving Dorcas a small snog.

"I'm a Potter now, remember?" Lily said wagging her hand at Sirius, showing off her ring.

"You'll always be Evans to me," Sirius shrugged. "Now, ladies, shall we get this little shin-dig going?"

Soon enough, the drinks were being poured and the music was being blasted. Around eleven, Sirius and Mary were plastered, giggling at everything. Remus, Marlene, James and Peter were drunk but could probably walk in a straight line if asked. And Lily and Dorcas had been drinking water and soda the whole night.

"I'll be sticking to water, thank you. I actually haven't been feeling to well." Lily shook her head, denying Remus' firewhiskey offer.

"Are you sure, Lily? Firewhiskey can cure nearly everything." Peter smiled.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'll just go get some more water." Lily grinned weakly before getting up and walking into the kitchen. After a minute or so, James got up and walked into the kitchen only to find Lily sitting there solemnly.

"You okay, love?"

"Oh, James! You startled me! I'm fine, don't worry. Probably some sort of flu or something," She smiled. "I think I'm actually going to head up to bed."

"Do you want me to come?"

"No, you're having fun. Just stay. Come up when you're ready, love." She got up from her chair and kissed him, soaking in his scent; freshly mowed grass, broom polish, and firewhiskey. James moved his hands to her waist and she threw her arms around his neck, running her hands through his hair. Lily pulled her head back after a few minutes.

"Don't be too long." She whispered in his ear.

"I won't."

He watched her walk up the stairs, her hips swaying ever-so-slightly. James went back into the living room where he found Dorcas and Sirius snogging, Remus and Mary snogging, and Marlene and Peter sitting awkwardly.

"Where's Lily?" Peter asked, looking for conversation.

"She went up to bed." James said, taking a sip of his firewhiskey. After another minute or two of silence James spoke up again.

"Hey, Marlene, can I talk to you in private?"

"Sure, James. We'll be back soon, Pete." James led her up the stairs so that they could hear each other over the music. He opened up the door to the bathroom so that she could go in.

"What's wrong, mate? You seem nervous." Marlene said.

"Lily just seems off. I didn't know if you would know anything." James replied, shutting the door.

"Nothing. But I know she did get a letter from her sister yesterday. I haven't any idea of what it said, though. Sorry, James." Marlene sadly informed him.

"That's probably it. Her sister just recently got married so…" He trailed off. Lily didn't like talking about Petunia much so he could understand why she hadn't told him. He was about to open the door, but Marlene spoke again.

"Oh. My. _God_. This isn't happening. I can't. What?!" Marlene started talking so fast she couldn't even understand her own words.

"What is it?"

"This…" She picked up a positive pregnancy test out of the trash bin.

"Dory is… pregnant?" James said, his eyes widening in shock.

"Well, it might not be hers."

"No, it must be. Mary and Remus haven't done it yet, and Lily and I always use protection. It isn't yours is it?" James thought about it for a minute. Was it Lily's? No, it couldn't be. She would have told him right away.

"Course not! Fabian and I have only been going out for a few weeks, and I told him I wanted to take it slow," Marlene smiled at the thought of _her_ taking it slow with a bloke like Fabian Prewett. "Then I guess Dorcas is pregnant."

"Marlene, I don't think we should tell anyone. If Dorcas had wanted us to know then she would have said something." James said, looking at the test again.

"I agree, but I think we should confront her about it tomorrow. And we should get downstairs before they think we got lost or something."

"You go down; I think I'll head off to bed. Tell everyone I said goodnight."

Marlene nodded as she opened the door and walked out into the hallway where we could hear the quiet music spilling out.

"See you in the morning, James."

"Night, Marley."

XoXoXoXoXoX

James woke up next morning with an excruciating headache. He slowly got out of bed to get a potion before slipping back under the covers, so he didn't wake Lily. He studied her for a moment. Her red hair fanned out around her and her arms tangled in the sheets; yet she was still as beautiful as ever. James carefully draped his arm over her stomach and inhaled her vanilla scented shampoo.

"Morning, love." Lily whispered, turning over to face her husband.

"I didn't mean to wake you." He smiled as he kissed her temple.

"You didn't wake me. Sorry about bailing on everyone last night; I just felt so exhausted."

"Don't worry about it. Sometimes you just get tired."

"Well, James actually-"Lily started before the door was pushed open and Sirius flopped on the end of the bed.

"Knock much, Sirius?" James asked, pulling the covers over Lily. Sirius didn't need to see his wife in a bra.

"Relax, mate, I've seen Lily in a bra before." Sirius shrugged, acting as if it was nothing.

"You what?!"

"Hahaha. I haven't actually seen her in a bra. But you should have seen the look on your face." Sirius laughed, almost falling off the bed. James grabbed a shirt off the floor as Lily kicked Sirius off the bed… literally.

"Thanks for that." James smiled at her kissing her quickly.

"Thanks for the shirt." Lily pulled the shirt on and once it was on, James realized that it was his own. _Merlin, she does look good in everything_ he thought. Lily got out of bed in only her underwear and James' shirt. Sirius wolf-whistled as James clobbered him with a pillow.

"Sirius is there a reason he you're here?" James asked rudely, watching Lily head into the loo.

"Dorcas wanted me to let you two know that breakfast will be done soon. And Lily you might want to put pants on unless you want Wormtail to have a heart attack." Sirius said loud enough for Lily to hear. Lily smiled at him as she walked out of the bathroom.

"Yeah, so taking off my shirt would be out of the question too?"

"Only if you wanted to see little Pete die." James spoke up, smiling at his wife and Sirius. Lily waked over to the dresser and pulled out a pair of shorts.

"Would Peter only suffer minor injuries with this?" She smiled devilishly, holding them up.

"Very minor. You know, Lily, I think I've rubbed off on you." Sirius grinned as he started heading for the door.

"Oh, we have been a terrible influence on you, Lilypad." James winked as Lily rolled her eyes, pulling on her shorts. He got out of bed and grabbed a clean t-shirt.

"And would you like me to go back to the old Lily?" She asked, knowing what the answer was.

"You are the old Lily, just with some upgrades," Sirius smiled again. "See you two downstairs."

XoXoXoXoXoX

"Hey, Dory, can you help me with something? We'll be back in a jiff, you lot." Marlene said after they had cleared the dished from the table, pulling Dorcas off to the living room.

"What the hell is your problem, Marlene?" Dorcas asked, her head pounding from her hangover.

"Dorcas, I have to be upfront with you and you need to be serious about this."

"God, something must really be wrong. Okay, go for it." Dorcas said, a little bit nervous as she sat down on one of the armchairs.

"So, James and I went to talk about something when you were going at it with Sirius, and we found something."

"What kind of something?"

"Dorcas, are you pregnant?" Marlene asked quietly so no one would hear.

"AM I WHAT?!" Dorcas shouted, not caring who hear her.

"I asked you if you were pregnant." Marlene spoke quietly again.

"You really thing I would get pregnant?!" Dorcas spat, obviously offended.

"Look, Dory. James and I found a positive pregnancy test in _your_ rubbish bin. Who else would it belong to?" Marlene asked, her voice starting to rise.

"What's going on in here?" Sirius popped his head in the living room entrance, with James right next to him.

"Marlene has come up with a theory that _I_ am pregnant! But I-" Dorcas started but was cut off by an incredibly pissed Sirius.

"Dorcas, you're pregnant? How could you not tell me?!" Sirius shouted.

"Dorcas is pregnant?" Remus and Mary asked, in unison as they came to the entrance.

"Merlin, Dory." Peter said, walking into the room with a muffin in his hand.

"For the last time. I. Am. Not. Pregnant." Dorcas stated loudly.

"Oh, guys, leave her alone. She's not the pregnant one." Lily said, coming down the stairs in jeans and another one of James' plaid shirts. Her face was a bit blotchy and her eyes were puffy.

"Then how do you explain the pregnancy test?" James asked her.

"It's me. I'm pregnant," Lily stared at her stomach. "We're going to be parents, James." Everyone turned from James to Lily and back again. After an extremely long pause James finally spoke.

"There's a human being growing inside of you? Right now?" He asked, as if he wanted confirmation. James walked up to Lily and put his hand on her stomach.

"There is a human being growing inside me. Our baby." Lily smiled at the thought, a shining tear dripped down her cheek. James turned his head to look at Lily. She was more beautiful than ever. He brought his hands up to her face and kissed her softly. Nothing hot, nothing steamy, nothing that would make their knees wobble. Just a sweet, simple kiss.

And although Lily could be complicated and stubborn and loud and moody and infatuating and feisty and just plain crazy. The kissed matched her perfectly.

Because that's what Lily Potter was. Sweet and simple.

* * *

_So what did you think? Did you love it? Did you hate it? In my head this story was much better..._

_xoxo_  
_Mischief Managed_


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